i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
