she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
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We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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