It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Rumble strips road head = magical
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
