I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
