so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
