sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
