My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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