Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We need a shit load of segways right now
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How naked do you want me to be?
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