somebody snuck up and got me drunk
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
