I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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