So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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