At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
