bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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