my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
