I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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