In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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