either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
