Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
