I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
