Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
