Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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