Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I puked a lego.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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