Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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