im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
