grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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