please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
