grandma shit on top of the toilet
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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