is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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