I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
