We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
