umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
