I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
