Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
