You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
