im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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