You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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