i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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