I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
