I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
