Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
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Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
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