I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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