in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I look better un-naked...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
