my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
