he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
