Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
