just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
