It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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