Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
