We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
