she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
