You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
