Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sext me about skeletons
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
false alarm, still single
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
