so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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