your thong is hanging out like whoa
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
