my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
worst night to have a conscience
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
