how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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