You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
