I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I could fuck to npr.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
