i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
