He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
