hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
