your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
