How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
